An Introvert’s Guide to Getting to Know Others

I was recently invited to submit a blog posting for an Army Wives Forum so I wrote what was on my heart that day. Thought I would share that post here for anyone who is interested... :)
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It seems like every where I turn lately, there’s discussion about the topic of “connectedness,” that is, how engaged {or how lonely} we may feel as military spouses.

Whether it’s on message boards that I follow, or in Facebook discussions, or even in face-to-face conversations that I have with spouses new to our Post, I am hearing the same thing: it can be incredibly difficult to establish and maintain friendships with others.
And this really tickles me to no end because, let’s face it – as Army spouses, we are a part a dynamic community and our diversity is second-to-none! The Army is literally filled to the brim with spouses who have some of the most incredible talents and experiences. Not to mention that we have world-class programs, organizations, events and groups with which we can participate.

And it would be so tempting for me to say to you, “Just get out there and make friends!”

However.

Our experiences and ways of making friends could be similar, or they may be totally different. And that is OK. What’s most important is that you know what kinds of friends you’re hoping to meet and how you plan to engage with others in meaningful ways.

As a naturally leaning introvert, here’s a list of things I like to keep top-of-mind when thinking about how engage with others:

• Forrest Gump had it right when he said, “Life is like a box of chocolates; you never know what you’re gonna get.”…this applies not only to “life” in general, but also to people you will meet. Some are fruity, some are nutty, some are sugary sweet, and some are refreshing to your very soul. What’s important is that you give everyone a chance and, in doing so, you give yourself a chance to get to know some really incredible people. 
• “Don’t judge a book by its cover.” This is timeless advice that you probably heard as a kid growing up, but it’s never truer than when you are meeting new people. “Oh, she’s an ‘Officer’s wife’” or “She has tattoos and piercings and I’m not really into that” are not good reasons to avoid getting to know someone. You could be missing out on the opportunity to get to know an amazing person if you push closed a door before you get a chance to walk through and take a look around.
• Attend (almost) everything at least once. This will give you a feel of the local flavor of your Post and the activities it has to offer. If you’re a newly minted Army spouse (as I am), take the AFTB classes, and the FRG classes and anything else you can get your hands on that will help you learn about the Army and your community. And who knows who you might meet during the process! Pick up a calendar of events from your MWR and/or the Spouse’s Club and find something fun to attend. And then go.
• Attempt to forge a relationship with your Soldier’s Unit. We can all agree that it would be wonderful if the FRG group was dynamic and close knit (bonus points if they meet on the weekends around a camp fire to sing Kum Ba Yah with smores & hot dogs) but that’s not always a guarantee. However, I am resolved to at least make an attempt.

 So, there you have it – my list at a glance. Since I am introverted by nature, some things are less comfortable for me…and it does require effort. But the payoffs have been great and it’s an investment I’m absolutely willing to make.

So, what do you think? What ways have you found to get involved and become connected? What helpful tips can you offer to new or struggling spouses?